1969 Class Reunion ( I missed it)

Well the class reunion has come and gone..unfortunately I wasn't able to attend...and many of my classmates wanted to know why..so I am going to tell you...I have a condition called AGORAPHOBIA, which according to greek definition is " a fear of open spaces" meaning I have anxiety/panic attacks when I go far from my home, which is my safety zone. I have had this since the summer before my senior year of High School. But it didn't get really bad until after I was married the first time. What caused it? Who really knows. What I understand is that back in my younger years 3 simular but separate things happened to me when I was growing up that was a "shock" to my system. and I guess the biggest thing was when I was sent away to private school in 1967. I was 16, sent to Florida and I could not come home. I had to stay at school, except for holidays, when I could come home. It was hard being away from my family, because back then we were a close family. We always did things together and so being away from them was hard on me. AND not only that, but I had only been home less that a week, when I had to go to summer school in the mountains to get another math course which I needed to go to college, something my parents wanted..not Greg!! I knew what I wanted and where to go to get the education, Rowan Tech..but my parents were determined I went to college..so I went for 2 quarters,I waisted their money partying and so forth...so they let me quit and come back home and go to work....that is what I have been doing since 1970.

People, like me, who have this illness, all fall into the same catagory..super sensitive, very observant, compassionate and very loving people (too bad I have never been able to find a spouse like that..so I remain single) I guess that is why I remember things, both good and bad, that have been said to me or happened to me. Private school changed my life..I think that is where my problems began.

When I came back, I no longer felt I have the same "relationships" with my classmates that I had before I went away. Might have just been they way I saw things, I don't know. I just remember only one person actually said to me "Greg it is so nice to have you back we sure missed you" ( Thanks Gail, I never forgot that)

As I said super sensitive...I can walk into a store and if there is a flickering light I can find it with in 3 seconds...I see things ( I guess I have always been weird) That is just my make up so to speak.

I remember things I did when growing up..because I tried so hard to "fit in" and I just never seemed to be able too. When I was in Private school I got tapped into the National Honor Society, came back here and was accepted by Mrs Westerland, and later "kicked out" ( according to her I was the only person ever kicked out of NHS) I didn't upset me because I just didn't fit in! AND I did some foolish things trying to fit in that I am ashamed of...and Terri I owe you an apology for something I did to you in 9th grade...I know you have forgotten but I never did! Judy I owe an apolgy to you for something I accidentally did to you as well....again you don't remember but I do.

Am I writing this for anyone to feel sad for me? NO!! I am writing for you to understand who Greg is..why I am the way I am....Each of us is a little different..that is GOD'S plan. We can't change that...we have to be the best person we can be...that is what I am trying to do! Maybe I say too much at times...but that is me....

You wonder what has kept me going? My sense of humor...I have been told by many people I missed my calling, that I should be a stand up comedian....if there was a joke told..I know it...I have always been an "entertainer" When I was married to "plaintiff number one" , I was the MC at the Norwood Elementary School Christmas party for several years, Candice and testify to that!..because I was good at it....I play "Santa" for a neighbors grandkids which I have done for 10 or more years....I enjoy that.....That is me...If I would have been able to attend the dinner..and you would have allowed me to entertain you..your sides would have been hurting with laughter..

Any way this is a little of who I am....later maybe I will ad to it....

To each and everyone of you in the class of 1969 I love you all so much..sorry I couldn't make it BUT I sure tried....burned over a tank of gas trying to get to the game,lunch and dinner. Next time I WILL BE THERE!!! Just My Thoughts

Marriage

I thought when I got out of school and got married that my life was set. That I would be married to the same person for life....but..you guessed it. DIVORCE...I tried marriage twice and got divorced twice ( can't remember either one's names, I just refer to them as "plaintiff") I felt like a failure when I got divorced the first time. Those of you who were so lucky to have found the right person and were able to stay married to them through thick and thin are so lucky. You have no idea what pain and sadness divorce can bring. Both my sisters married good men and are still married to them. Both have 2 kids, and Cindy has 4 grandkids! My brother and I both know what divorce is all about. He is happily married again..but no so with Greg. I did get a beautiful daughter from the first marriage..she is happily married ( finally, she was 30 when she got married, takes after her Aunt Connie) But I guess we all make mistakes in life..some worse than others. All I know is how badly I felt. But through the years I learned to stop beating myself up over it because it just happened. I can't really pinppont who, what, where or why. It just happened. It doesn't mean you are a failure..it jsut means that for some reason the two of you didn't get along and you couldn't fix the differences between you. You decided that separation and then divorce was the best thing for you. hopefully you both became happier people, because it was the right thing to do. In my case I was. As I said earlier I was hurt, mad, felt like a failure..but today it is just part of my life. Not good, not bad, just part of my life. I hope that those of you who had to go through divorce will "let it go" and begin a new life. Whether alone or with a new partner. You can't hold on to the past. It will eat you up inside. I know from experience. I have trouble letting things go..but I am working on that. Marriage is just a chapter of life, like work is, fun is, family, friends....things we all need! I have some great friends. They are there to listen when I need to talk as I am there for them when they need an ear. Divorce changes things BUT it is not all bad....Just My Thoughts

Adulthood

After I graduated High School I went to College ( I had to because all of the drop outs had all the jobs) Anyway I didn't lik college so I quit and went to work. I figured I would go back later and get an education ( something my parents said I needed to make it in this world) I got a job as a mechanic for Harvey Herlocker.....He taught me mechanics, better that I would have gotten is some school because it was a one on one experience. He helped me to learn things by letting me do it and if I was wrong, he explained it, showing me wher eI made my mistakes( NO the cars didn't leave without him making sure they were right first) Anyway I still do the same kind of work now..still turn wrenches. Most of the time I enjoy it..( yes I know alot of my classmates figured I would go no farther than that but it is a good profession now...back then maybe it wasn't) I enjoy the chalenges that I get..makes me use my brain. I don't have a computer in my shop to work on the newer cars, I just use the old noodle to figure things out and go that way. If I need help I have some other mechanic friends that are willing to help me figure things out. I did go back to Stany Tech ( as it was called back in 1981 when I was there). I took some courses, just never felt the need to finish. I knew what I enjoyed so I stayed in the mechanic field. Is it rewarding? Well I work for me and that can be good and bad. The good part is you work when you want and for as long as you want..can sit down and rest with no one to complain or fuss. The bad things are that you do all of the work....( no one to pass it off on) and that you have to argue with the boss( me) about getting a riase. I argue with me all the time. I keep telling myself I need a raise but the boss in me tells me I can't afford it..too many bills to pay and too much needed to be saved for more tools.Oh well...same old story...Just My Thoughts

Puppy Love

This year, 2009 marks the 40th anniversary of my graduation from Albemarle Senior High School ( as it was called when I went there..now just Albemarle High School) I was thinking of the times I spent in school and it reminded me of my first experience of what most call puppy love. I guess when you enter Junior High ( again as it was called when I was in school..now Middle School) anyway as I was saying when I entered Junior High..I started to feel I was "growing up" and to stop being a kid and become more of an adult. So I guess I started getting more serious about life in general. I was in Mrs. Iveys home room in Junior High. That is when we made new friends, kids from the other grade schools combined to make Junior High. Well there was this cute little blonde that I had a crush on....Janice..and I did everything I could think of to get her to notice me. Showing off..cutting up..whatever it took to try to "impress" her....well guess what? After a while she started to notice me. We didn't talk directly, just a smile and and a look and so forth. Anyway later on in the school year..there was a dance...and My sister Cindy and Janice's siter Faye decided that I should ask Janice to this dance. Well being shy when it came to asking someone out..I just couldn't bring myself to do that until Faye told Cindy that Janice "liked me"! So I felt a little more confident and I asked her to the dance..and she agreed to go. I got all ready that evening and took her to that dance...and then I made a boo boo....instead of sitting with her..I sat with the boys.....I guess I hadn't really grown up yet. My sister kept telling me " ask her to dance" which I finally did....I also messed up when I brought Janice some cake and dropped it into her lap accidentally....I felt so bad......I can't really remember much other than that BUT I am sure Janice did that evening. When Mother drove us to Janice's house ( on that rainy night) Janice ran so fast to her house, opened the door and ran in before I could say much....I appologized for being such a fool and so forth..not sure she heard any of it. But as I said I am sure Janice remembered that night longer than I did. So Janice IF you ever read this, even though it is some 45+ years later I am so sorry for what I did and hurting you. I was jsut a scared little boy, trying to be a man and I didn't know how to handle it at the time. I guess you have forgotten it by now but it has always been in the back of my mind...You were always a sweet young lady and I was an idiot!

I am sure others had a simulat experience when in Junior High...Even though I am probably the only one dumb enough to share this with anyone else...I know we have all been there. Had a crush on someone and whether they liked us or not..we acted the "fool" trying to impress. Some of us were lucky enough to got to go out with that person..and some of us just looked on from afar......Good or bad..it is an experience no one will ever forget..even though at the time it happened..you wished you could! I guess it is just a part of growing up. Just my thoughts.